CHURCH OPINION: courtship; how long should it be?

By | April 7, 2019

Courtship begins at the point when a Christian brother and a Christian sister confirm to each other the leading of God in their heart as future marriage partners.
Though, it is believed that not all courtship leads to marriage but it is better understood as a Christian that the purpose of courtship is marriage, and any courtship that will not have marriage in view should not commence or better still should not be termed courtship.
If courtship is the period between proposal acceptance and the wedding day, how long should it be?


OPINION: courtship should be long, it should be like 2 years so that the two of us will be able to know ourselves, our character, our likes, and dislikes.

Name: Adaobi
Opinion: it should be up to 5 years. Because marriage is a life long relationship, it is not something that will last for one week. So, the period of 5 years will afford partners the opportunity to know themselves, their strength and weaknesses . Though we cannot know ourselves fully but we will be better of strangers.

Name : Kemi
Opinion: According to my believe it should not be more than two years, if it is too long it will become something else. At least the likes and dislikes of the person.

In the light of the scriptures

If we have 50 people interviewed, we will have 50 different opinions on this question.
Strictly speaking, there is no prescribed period for courtship in the Bible but there are prescribed attitude and conduct for courtship. Some of which are:

  • Abstain from fornication : IThessalonians 4:3-7 prescribes to us that we should abstain from fornication. You (your yourselves and your partner) are God’s property that should not be defiled, you are His temple; He dwells in you, you should always appear holy. God himself will destroy anyone who defiles his temple. Matthew 5:27-30 buttresses this. Those that prescribes 3 months as an ideal period of courtship are trying to avoid this point, it is the fact that two people in courtship are bond to be emotionally connected to one another, so they feel it will be better to save themselves from the trap of defilement by having a shorter period of courtship. I believe that God is able to keep those who are willing to be kept by him, so, the duration does not really matter compared to the purpose that most be fulfilled; this however does not mean I am in support of unnecessary extension of courtship period.
  • Communicate

Marriage partners to be should enjoy the fellowship of themselves, they should communicate. By this, they get better understanding of themselves, their likes and dislikes, they will as well blend up with each other by doing this.

  • Fulfil the objectives of courtship

It is possible to use years in courtship and it will still amount to nothing because the needed things were neglected.
Jesus admonishes us to count the cost in Luke 14:28-29 . This symbolizes preparations, courtship is for preparations, the partners involved must harness that period to lay some foundations.
Partners involved must use this period to align their hearts, their believes, their purpose and God given assignment.

It is a period that should be spent wisely.
Serious discussion should be made on:
1.How to fulfil your assignment; the role of the individual .
2.The number of children (it is advisable that this discussion should be made few months to the wedding date to avoid unnecessary sexual arousal )
3.Family issues.
Above all the period of courtship should be a prayerful period, it should as well be enjoyed in the most godly manner.

Do not waste your time unnecessarily in courtship, ensure you use that period wisely.
Thanks for reading, God bless your understanding.

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